Church Hurt

When Christians are attacked for their faith by non-believers, whilst it is not a pleasant experience, we are not surprised. The Bible tells us to expect this:

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

In varying degrees Christians can be mocked, scorned, discriminated against, alienated, hated, imprisoned and martyred for their faith in this world. One reason amongst many for belonging to a caring Christian community is that we can encourage one another and support one another when the attacks from the world come.

But what happens when the hurt comes from within the body of Christ?

I’m not talking about little annoyances or grievances here. Most mature adults can face up to the fact that they are wrong sometimes or, if they’re aware that they’ve upset someone, can apologise and move on. The hurt I refer to is far more insidious and long-ranging.

Hurt is not God inspired. It originates from Satan, whose purpose is to divide and destroy the body of Christ. The tools he uses within churches are those which begin to separate us from dependency on Christ and shift our attention to our own little gods – pride, prestige, power, infatuation and a focus of who we are in the church instead of who we are in Christ.

The results are a multitude of both ministers and laity who exit churches or move between churches. Then the same pattern repeats itself and sometimes escalates. People who have been hurt can be bound into a spirit of offence, expecting and experiencing hurts wherever they go, until they are unable to join a church community at all. Likewise those individuals who have successfully ejected a pastor or other church member who they disagreed with can similarly go from “strength to strength” in their power plays, bullying and other methods of abusive behaviour, all the time suffering an emptiness of the genuine joy in the Christian life that should be theirs.

What is the answer to hurt within church communities? Here are a few suggestions:

Firstly, we all need to be people of prayer. Prayer is our first resource. We commit all things to our Heavenly Father.

Secondly, we need to take a Biblical approach to hurts. In Matthew chapter 18, Jesus tells his disciples to sort out conflicts between the two people concerned privately. Should this fail, one was to take along a third party for mediation. Should this then fail, the church body should be consulted through discussions with the pastoral team and designated mediators or counsellors within the body. Never should disputes between individuals be publicised through idle chatter within the body of believers.

How often is this process taught, upheld and held sacred in churches? To what extent do we follow the world’s values in relishing conflict, gossiping and taking sides in churches? Christ praised the peacemakers. How many are committed to mediation and reconciliation within our Christian communities? How many turn a blind eye to those in their midst who repeatedly cause trouble without addressing their behaviour?

Thirdly, a few factors which may promote unity:

Prayer for the pastoral team. These are people who have heard God’s call on their lives, have studied hard and been appointed to a position. Let them do their jobs.

Limiting ministry leadership roles: I believe that all non-pastoral leadership appointments should have an exit date, even if this means that the same leaders take a break and then return to a position at a later time. This allows greater participation by many in a church, a turnover of methods and ideas and avoidance of the "my way or the highway" mentality. I would suggest that two years of leading a ministry or being on a church board is long enough for a layperson.

Refusal to gossip. This one cultural condition can change a whole church. Just as it only takes a very small percentage of individuals within a congregation to wreak havoc, so too can a few people who refuse to carry gossip and who actively speak well of others impact the church in a very positive manner.

High standards for our churches: We should expect our churches to be places where the broken, lost and sinful can come for restoration and healing. If the church practices the same snobbery, cliques, exclusions and discriminatory behaviours of the world, it is no more than a social club with a smattering of religion thrown in. I expect a Christian community to be inclusive, to be loving, to be kind and tolerant, indeed to have better behaviours than one would expect in a workplace or community group.Shame on us if we do keep the outside of the cup clean and refuse to look at the grubby residue inside.That process starts with ourselves, each of us.

 

Emphasis on Servanthood. Jesus referred to himself as the “Son of Man” who came “not to be served but to serve others” Matt 20:28.

The people who founded the church do not lead the church.

The people who give the most in tithes and offerings do not lead the church.

The people who are the most outspoken in church meetings do not lead the church.

We serve Christ. We serve one another.

And Christ has always, does, and will lead His Church.

Fourthly, the Bible tells us to “love your neighbour as yourself.” Matthew 22:39

We are to show forgiveness and compassion for those who hurt us. We are to turn the other cheek and bless and pray for those who cause hurt in our churches. Loving a person can also involve "tough love" where they are called to account for repeated patterns of abusive behaviour. It may also involve consequences for such behaviour.
We are also to love ourself, the second part of this verse. Loving ourselves includes expecting to be treated fairly and respectfully.

Finally, if we look again at the first part of the verse I quoted at the beginning of this devotion, John 16:33, Jesus states “"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." No church can be all things to all people. But Christ can. In Him we find our peace, our acceptance, our friend, our comfort, our wisdom, our strength, our encouragement.

Also, it's only in Christ that we can find the forgiveness and grace that enables us to be His people. It's important to pray that we as individuals don't ourselves cause hurt and offence to others, knowingly or unwittingly. We desire to be conduits of God's love, and mirrors reflecting His goodness. To Him be all the glory. 

Dear Heavenly Father God, I came to You in prayer, thanking You for Your ever-present love and grace. Thank You for the gift of Your Son, Jesus Christ, who came to this world to die on the cross, honouring You and making a way for sinful people to be back in right relationship with You.

Father, I pray for anyone visiting here who has experienced deep hurt in a church. Thank You that You are the One who binds the brokenhearted and brings comfort and healing. I pray that each one will become part of a church community that will include and encourage them again.

And I pray too for those who are bound in a spiral of hurting and offending others within our church communities. I pray that You will bring mediators and counsellors that will lead them by Your Holy Spirit into a deeper awareness of Your ways that will change their hearts and lives.

Give wisdom to each of us in our church life and relationships I pray Father, that we would become the people You desire us to be.

Thank You Father that what we experience in this life can grow us and bring us ever closer to Your loving heart. I ask for Your blessing upon those visiting here in the precious name of Jesus Christ. Amen