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Monday 29 July 2013

Book Review: “Wired for Intimacy. How pornography hijacks the male brain.” by William M. Struthers. Inter Varsity Press 2009.


Most of us who use the internet are only one or two keystrokes away from viewing pornography. Whether it be accessing a search engine, watching a sports video clip or reading a newspaper online, in subtle or not so subtle ways, we are invited to click onto links which will direct the viewer to more and more explicit imagery.  With the advent of the internet, the world has now more accessible pornography than has ever been available in history.

Many of us have made the decision to never go there. But others struggle with temptation and some may be struggling with a silent, secret addiction. Like all addictions, what may have begun as a “harmless” bit of fun has taken on a life of its own. Like gambling, food addictions and drugs and alcohol, pornography destroys the person dependent upon it and shatters their relationships, especially marriages.

One of the saddest aspects of the saturation of our western cultures with pornography is the easy access for children via the computer into areas which should be off-limits. The innocence of childhood is destroyed. Children and teenagers may enter their young adult years having viewed thousands of images and video clips. The resulting problems when these people enter marriage are only just becoming to be realised by sociologists and psychologists.

William M. Struthers has written a book for our times on the subject. Whilst it is primarily addressed to men, women too will find much information to enable them to understand the nature of the problem. Dr Struthers is a psychologist with expertise in behavioural neuroscience and addictions, and a committed Christian.  The book is dedicated “To every man who longs to be holy and good.”

“Wired for Intimacy” is an unusual book in that it combines what is often found in isolation. There are other books which present the problems of pornography from a physical viewpoint, and ones which discuss the spiritual implications, but this book gives a synthesis of the two, without becoming preachy or bogging the reader down in voluminous medical terminology.

The reader is given a comprehensive overview of the biological patterns in the brain which are formed by pornography use. The book provides an outline of the physical areas of the brain and the chemicals which impact on mood. It helps to explain compulsions and impulses and how these can be controlled and changed.

Doctor Struthers then discusses some of the psychological and spiritual factors which are both impacted by addictions and help to overcome them. The reader is invited to contemplate some wide ranging questions regarding the nature of masculinity and true human intimacy.

Some useful websites which assist with recovery from online pornography and sex addictions are included as an appendix.

As a woman, wife, mother of two sons and community health worker, I enjoyed reading “Wired for intimacy.” It is an excellent counselling resource and provided me with much to contemplate regarding the nature of relationships. There are many parallels within the book to the questions that women ask themselves regarding femininity, and overall, the same need for self-respect, knowing and being known, and validation is found in both sexes. But most of all I hope that the book will help the men who read it to become the men, husbands and fathers that God intends for them to be.

“Biblical, redeemed, true masculinity gives freely of its gifts, surrendering itself for the benefit of others, not just itself. It affirms, admonishes and brings peace and order. It does not condemn, dominate or bring chaos. As Christians, we reject the culture’s corrupted understanding and celebration of biological and fallen masculinity. We reclaim a right understanding of our created masculinity and offer a vision of an embodied, redeemed man of God anchored in the incarnation of Christ.” Wired for intimacy, p.153




Monday 15 July 2013

Altar Call



There was a church in a inner city neighbourhood of a US city which had experienced a period of growth in its congregation and blessing upon the ministry efforts of the pastoral team. As part of their approach to conducting church services, the minister decided, amongst other changes, to have regular "altar calls" at the end of a service. At these times people would be asked if they wished to accept Jesus Christ as their personal Saviour, or if they wished to rededicate their lives to Christ. At other times a pastor might ask if people who had been prompted by the particular topic of the sermon to come forward for prayer.
The first week, when the pastor asked for anyone who wanted to commit themselves to Jesus to come forward during the final hymn, an elderly man who regularly attended services shuffled to the front for prayer and rededicated his life.
The next week’s sermon revolved around missions. The minister asked if anyone who was considering mission work could come forward for prayer. The elderly man stepped forward again.
At the end of the following week’s service, the minister asked if anyone would like to accept Jesus as their Saviour, or rededicate their life to Christ. Again the elderly man stepped to the front.
So it continued. Each time there was an altar call, the old man rose quickly and went forward. Some of the congregation began to whisper and giggle each time. Finally one of the pastors decided to speak with the gentleman about his actions.
The following Sunday the minister once again gave an invitation for anyone who did not know Jesus as their personal Lord and Saviour to come forward during the final hymn for prayer. Again the old gentleman rose quickly and stepped forwards
This time, before praying, the pastor gently led the old man to a quiet pew on one side. “George,” said the pastor “I’m always happy to pray for you, but you know that you’re saved. You’ve accepted Jesus as your Saviour. I know how much you love Him. Don’t think that you need to keep coming forward to accept His gift.”
Tears filled the old man’s eyes. “You’ve got it all wrong, Pastor.” he said. “Let me tell you why I come forward. Years ago, when I was a young man and first started going to a church, I wanted very much to ask Jesus to become my Saviour. Week after week the pastor would ask if anyone wanted to receive Jesus, just step forward. And week after week I wanted to, but was too scared. I just sat there. Then one week, another man got up and went forward, and I thought, well, if he can get up so can I. So I did.
That was a long time ago. Receiving Jesus as my Saviour was the best thing I ever did. And it might have taken me a lot longer if it hadn’t have been for that other man. So that’s why I get up now.
I want to be that other man for somebody else.”


(Storyteller's note: this is not my fabrication but a true story I heard about twenty years ago. Like all stories that are retold, some of the details may have changed slightly in the telling, but the message is essentially the same. I retell it here because it is a story that moved me profoundly at the time and has stuck in my memory.)


Sunday 14 July 2013

Walk into the darkness, carrying light


In my life I’ve lived through some dark times and been in some dark places emotionally. Part of my Christian ministry in recent years has been to return to some of these dark places, as one who connects with and encourages others who are wandering in the shadows.
Nobody is more aware of the spiritual realm all around us than those who deeply seek to live an authentic Christian life and walk with Jesus Christ on a daily basis. We live in a battle zone, with a clear demarcation between Christ and His angelic messengers and Satan and his demonic hoards. Though he is already defeated and doomed to destruction, Satan in his limited time at loose in this earth is firmly intent upon destroying whoever he can, and his sights are firmly set on God’s people. Those in ministry leadership are in the front lines, and they need our support and prayers, but all who are committed to God face trials and temptations of many kinds and as such are involved in spiritual warfare.
It’s important then to be aware of your own spiritual health. Prayer connects us deeply to God. Reading and studying the Bible builds our knowledge and insight. Fellowship in a Christian community provides an important source of encouragement. I cannot overemphasize the importance of prayer, both individually and with others who willingly act as intercessors.
I am sometimes amazed by the gifts of discernment and perception that God gives to His people who are involved in caring for others and encouraging them onwards in their journeys towards spiritual growth, healing and wholeness. In addition God brings about through His own design so many times when a person is in the right place at the right time to intercede or encourage or help. It may be a stranger with a word in season. It may be a friend or acquaintance who is ideally placed to help. I have been encouraged so many times in my life by a word or comment and sometimes the person saying the words has no idea of the effect they have had. Such are the ways of God.
We do not walk into the darkness in our own strength. Remember the warning given in the account of the sons of Sceva in Acts, chapter 19. These seven men were attempting to cast out demons from people by invoking the name of Jesus, yet had no real knowledge of the gospel or personal experience of Christ as their Saviour. In one case an evil spirit responded by telling them “Jesus I know, and I know about Paul, but who are you?” before severely beating them up. We have no power against demons unless we first abide in Christ.
It is always God’s Holy Spirit in us which is the light which will defeat the darkness. In any given situation we can trust God to have prepared the way for us. His Holy Spirit is the Parakletos, the One who comes alongside. He will be with us every step of the way. And His Holy Spirit will attend to all that continues beyond our own efforts after we leave a given situation.
Jesus is the light of this world. He is in us, and with us.
Walk into the darkness, carrying the light.





Monday 8 July 2013

Eve and the apple bough


There is something happening to
the apple tree
The wintered grey branches
are changed beneath my fingers,
Like the swelling and stirring inside of me.
All the long days of night and cold
I lay, dreaming of Paradise,
Of the green verdant hours of endless play
as the leaves fell down and drifted away,
And the snow fell, pitiless snow
Cold sinking deep into our bones
Like the edge of flint on deerskin shoes
And I waited in his arms for the night
to take us all,
But the stars turn, he told me,
and there came the dawn of the sun
warm breeze, and snow in rivulets running into streams
Sun, call me back to the apple tree
each morning,
Here today
On a rugged tree
The leaf, the fruit, the birdsong in its branches,
The promise
Of life for the child and me.

Copyright Jo Collett 9/7/13




Apple blossom, Tasmania