Bullying behaviours

If you’re wondering why I have a link to bullyonline.org on this blog, it’s because I believe in empowering people to deal with bullying behaviour wherever it is encountered.

The Concise Oxford Dictionary defines the verb “bully” as “to persecute, oppress, physically or morally, by (threat of) superior force; frighten into or out of.” The noun “bully” refers to a “person who uses strength or power to coerce others by fear.”

A more simple explanation which I used to my children when talking about bullying amongst primary school children was “bullying is when someone makes themselves feel good by making somebody else feel bad.” Sadly, I had to explain to my children that it was not just young people who did that, but some adults as well.

Despite more openness and accountability becoming the normal practice in all sorts of relationships, bullying is still a common and widespread problem today. It is found in workplaces, families, schools and online. It may occur for a short time, or many years. Regardless of its duration, bullying can have devastating and long lasting consequences on the people who have been exposed to it. It seriously affects a person’s health, self-esteem, present and future relationships, ability to work effectively and can lead to addictions, self-harming behaviour and greatly impaired quality of life.

Bullies rarely work in isolation. They usually desire to be prominent within a group, and therefore require the support of others or at least their non-intervention in the bullying behaviour. They may engage the support of others in some way. Or people may show them support or ignore the whole situation in order not to become a target themselves.

Bullying can take the form of physical or emotional threats, unwarranted criticism and put-downs, sabotaging work efforts, mocking, slander, gossip and lies, name calling, deliberate exclusion from relationships and belittling of a person’s pursuits and interests, to name a few forms.

Churches are the last places where bullying should occur, however, unfortunately, this is not always the case. By their very nature, churches espouse such tenets as forgiveness of others when you are wronged, and “turning the other cheek.” This, coupled with a desire to protect the reputation of a Christian community, can create a climate where it is difficult to address and correct behavioural problems.

We should give credit where it is due. Bullying behaviour within churches is the work of satan to cause conflict and disunity and hinder the work of the Holy Spirit within a church and its mission fields. We must also remember that it is not only the targets of bullying who suffer. The perpetrators themselves are prevented from growing in maturity and forming healthy relationships by their aggressive behaviours. Their behaviours may be the result of dysfunctional relationships in the past which have not been addressed. As such, the community which tolerates bullying does both parties a disservice.

Those who are a target of a bully or become aware of bullying in a sphere in which they work or live should equip themselves with information on the subject through such websites as bullyonline.org and pray that they will have the knowledge, insight and God-given words in season to effect positive changes. There needs to be much grace extended to those with behavioural problems and prayer that they will have a greater understanding of God’s ways; but there also needs to be accountability in regards to conduct, and ministry within each church community for conflict resolution.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV)