Most of us who use the internet are only one or two
keystrokes away from viewing pornography. Whether it be accessing a search engine,
watching a sports video clip or reading a newspaper online, in subtle or not so
subtle ways, we are invited to click onto links which will direct the viewer to
more and more explicit imagery. With the
advent of the internet, the world has now more accessible pornography than has
ever been available in history.
Many of us have made the decision to never go there. But
others struggle with temptation and some may be struggling with a silent,
secret addiction. Like all addictions, what may have begun as a “harmless” bit
of fun has taken on a life of its own. Like gambling, food addictions and drugs
and alcohol, pornography destroys the person dependent upon it and shatters
their relationships, especially marriages.
One of the saddest aspects of the saturation of our western
cultures with pornography is the easy access for children via the computer into
areas which should be off-limits. The innocence of childhood is destroyed.
Children and teenagers may enter their young adult years having viewed thousands
of images and video clips. The resulting problems when these people enter
marriage are only just becoming to be realised by sociologists and
psychologists.
William M. Struthers has written a book for our times on the
subject. Whilst it is primarily addressed to men, women too will find much
information to enable them to understand the nature of the problem. Dr
Struthers is a psychologist with expertise in behavioural neuroscience and
addictions, and a committed Christian.
The book is dedicated “To every man who longs to be holy and good.”
“Wired for Intimacy” is an unusual book in that it combines
what is often found in isolation. There are other books which present the
problems of pornography from a physical viewpoint, and ones which discuss the spiritual
implications, but this book gives a synthesis of the two, without becoming
preachy or bogging the reader down in voluminous medical terminology.
The reader is given a comprehensive overview of the
biological patterns in the brain which are formed by pornography use. The book
provides an outline of the physical areas of the brain and the chemicals which
impact on mood. It helps to explain compulsions and impulses and how these can
be controlled and changed.
Doctor Struthers then discusses some of the psychological
and spiritual factors which are both impacted by addictions and help to
overcome them. The reader is invited to contemplate some wide ranging questions
regarding the nature of masculinity and true human intimacy.
Some useful websites which assist with recovery from online
pornography and sex addictions are included as an appendix.
As a woman, wife, mother of two sons and community health
worker, I enjoyed reading “Wired for intimacy.” It is an excellent counselling resource and provided me with much to
contemplate regarding the nature of relationships. There are many parallels
within the book to the questions that women ask themselves regarding
femininity, and overall, the same need for self-respect, knowing and being
known, and validation is found in both sexes. But most of all I hope that the
book will help the men who read it to become the men, husbands and fathers that
God intends for them to be.
“Biblical, redeemed, true masculinity gives freely of its
gifts, surrendering itself for the benefit of others, not just itself. It
affirms, admonishes and brings peace and order. It does not condemn, dominate
or bring chaos. As Christians, we reject the culture’s corrupted understanding
and celebration of biological and fallen masculinity. We reclaim a right
understanding of our created masculinity and offer a vision of an embodied,
redeemed man of God anchored in the incarnation of Christ.” Wired for intimacy,
p.153
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